Symbiosis
by Julechan
Summary: Final Chapter up! Janeway, Chakotay and Tom are trapped on a planet and share a disturbing closeness. Story inspired by "Survival Instinct" and TNG's "Attached". Told from Tom's POV.
1. Prologue

**Symbiosis**

Author's note

Most of the story is made up of Tom's personal log, as he is recounting his experiences. I realise that in many places, his 'style' shows, whereas in others, it's like reading a normal story. I didn't stick to the personal-log-style all the way through for the sake of drama. I hope you will suspend your disbelief and enjoy the story.

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Prologue**

No one would argue that Voyager's arrival in the Delta Quadrant was the most life-changing event in our lives. It turned me from prisoner to lieutenant – and back to ensign, no less; terrorists into officers, a trash dealer into a chef and more. Each of us has a story, all with a common beginning. One day, I hope, our stories will reach a common conclusion: our return home.

And yet, telling stories of beginnings and endings, we might one day forget the little things that happened to us on the way. It's the journey that shapes us into what we will be, whenever we reach our destination.

I have recently experienced something so strange and extraordinary, I'm sure it is burned into my memory for ever. But in case I won't reach home, I need to make sure my knowledge is preserved somehow. The following events took place a couple of days ago. It is our fifth year in the Delta Quadrant, and our days are darker than they used to be. The morale boost from our recent triumph over the Borg and the push we got from the transwarp coil quickly subsided as our lives returned to their usual routine. Every member of this crew is feeling the strain of exile more keenly than ever.

But no one really knows the burden our Captain carries – the heaviest of all; nobody but her first officer. And me.


	2. Drawn

**Chapter 2 – Drawn**

"Computer, pause."

Tom got up from his desk and walked over to the viewport. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He still had trouble being alone again. And yet he was glad B'Elanna gave him some room. He didn't want to keep her awake with his restlessness.

After lying awake for hours, he'd finally given up on sleep. Since there was only one thing he could think about, he figured he might as well record it all.

But now he needed a break to think before he dove into the whole story again. He got dressed, something casual, and left his quarters. Minutes later he walked into sickbay. He couldn't help it – he was drawn to them.

On one of the biobeds lay the sleeping form of Captain Janeway, on the one next to her, Chakotay. She was still under the Doctor's observation, while the Commander and Tom had been discharged. But it seemed the former wouldn't leave her side. Tom knew very well how Chakotay felt.

He turned to the office, where the Doctor was sitting, studying a Padd. He looked up and greeted Tom with an unusually genuine smile.

"Good morning, Ensign. Can't sleep?"

Tom managed a wry smile. "Not really. And wherever I go, I end up here."

The Doctor got up and looked through the window at his patient and her sleeping guardian. "Well, as you can see, you're not the only one. Your connection is still strong."

"I guess it is."

They both looked up as they heard the Captain stir on her bed. In a second they were by her side. She looked confused, but calmed down when she spotted Tom. Sitting up, she grabbed his hand and he pressed it fondly in reassurance. She threw a quick look at Chakotay, who, luckily, didn't wake up. She seemed perfectly at ease now and smiled.

The Doctor was about to say something to interrupt their quiet reverie, but she spoke first, gazing deeply into Tom's eyes, but addressing the Doctor.

"You know, in the beginning, it was horrible. We have become so used to being alone, we can't bear it when someone is forced on our privacy like that. But in the end... I found it is the only way to live."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow sarcastically. "In a collective."

She cast her gleaming eyes on the hologram. "It was... bliss." Tom knew what they both felt. It was _perfection_. A tear ran down her cheek.

The Doctor let out a sad sigh. "Captain, I'm truly sorry to tear you apart like this again," he looked at Tom, "but if you don't rest for a while, separately, the after effects will never subside."

He gently plucked their hands apart and looked at them sadly. "And then it will only torture you all the more. Please... Mr. Paris, try to get some sleep."

Tom realised that the experience had taken its toll on the crew, and on their chief medic as well. They needed them back. He reluctantly tore his gaze from Kathryn's. He knew the Doctor was right, but it really wasn't easy to leave. She looked down on her hand.

As Tom left sickbay, he saw her lie back down to sleep, on her side so she could see Chakotay. He felt a warm and now familiar fondness envelop him. _Sleep well, _he thought, and wished she could still hear him. He was glad Chakotay was still with her, and he'd be much harder to drive away. In fact, Tom had a feeling that the two of them would be inseparable.


	3. The Beginning

**Chapter 3 – The Beginning**

Tom had no intention of going to bed. Having seen them, he knew he needed to tell his story now, or he'd never be able to capture the raw essence of it. He replicated a strong coffee, and smiled at the recently acquired taste.

"Computer, resume personal log."

* * *

How did it start? As all of these disasters do – like every other day. Harry and I were on our way to the holodeck when the red alert went off. A minute later we were on the bridge, taking our stations. Captain Janeway was yelling orders and everyone was reacting quickly. The ship was shaking as usual. We had gotten out of worse situations.

The energy field we'd flown into messed up the ship's systems and I was hardly able to control the conn. Seven was in astrometrics, analysing the field. Her metallic voice rang out over the comm channel.

"Captain, the barrier is huge. It spans around a planet approximately half a light year away. I hypothesise that it was meant to keep people like us away."

The Captain didn't need to think twice. Several years in the Delta Quadrant were enough to quench anyone's scientific curiosity, even Kathryn Janeway's. She sent quick looks to Tuvok and Chakotay, who were with her on this one. She then turned to me.

"If someone wants to be left alone, that's what we're going to do. Mr. Paris, back us out of here." I acknowledged that and proceeded as best I could with our screwed up navigational controls. The ship was still rocking. Tuvok kept announcing the status of the shields – they were slowly failing – and I wished he'd just shut up.

Suddenly, Seven's voice drifted through the bridge again. Everyone stopped dead and listen: her voice had changed. "Captain... it's a message. I've heard it before..."

She sounded shocked. "I can clear it up, I have to... _ their voices_!"

Janeway exchanged a worried look with Chakotay. "Seven, can you..."

"I know! _I know_! I understand.. please, no, _no_!"

She panicked. And it was clear she wasn't talking to the Captain. A moan. Then silence. Everyone on the bridge was stunned. The ship continued to shake.

Janeway snapped into action, and with her everyone else. "Janeway to sickbay, medical emergency. Doctor, get to astrometrics immediately." I tried to concentrate on getting us out of that energy field. The Captain disappeared into the turbolift.

* * *

Shortly after, I managed to bring us to a full stop at a safe distance from the barrier. Repairs had begun and we had a briefing to determine just what the hell was going on.

Apparently, the Doctor had found Seven on the floor in astrometrics, eyes wide open and her whole body twitching. She was now in sickbay, sedated, and he paced the conference room. "It seems that she really did receive a message - through her transceiver." Janeway's head snapped up - after all, it was supposed to be inactive - but the Doctor continued. "But being just one available drone, and not a full Borg anyway, she simply wasn't able to handle the impact."

The Captain frowned. "So the message was set to trigger at the arrival of a Borg...?"

Chakotay looked at her. "But since drones usually come in collectives, this message was meant to address thousands, not one."

"Precisely."

"Like an overloaded circuit," B'Elanna remarked under her breath. The Doctor didn't appreciate that comment, but he went on, "Seven's stable now, but I don't know for how long. I downloaded the message from her cortical node, but I haven't been able to decipher it. And I have no idea what it did to her in the first place."

Unfortunately, we were about to find out.

* * *

I was working on the conn when Janeway came back to the bridge later. Just in time to report that I'd fixed the basic navigational controls, as she was glad to hear. Because, we were "going in." She always needs to say things dramatically. That makes it so fun serving on her bridge. I don't think Chakotay was happy with her decision; they had obviously argued about it in the Captain's ready room, and he had lost. He looked frustrated.

From what I gathered, Seven's condition was suddenly deteriorating. The Doc was unable to make heads or tails of the message, and we, or rather the Captain, were faced with a dilemma. It was clear that whoever was responsible for the barrier and the message didn't want visitors. But we couldn't leave, knowing what we needed to help Seven was probably down there. And Captain Janeway wasn't going to abandon her, not after we had just gotten her back.

So I turned the ship back towards the mysterious planet, and once more we rocked through the barrier. At least this time we were prepared and didn't suffer as much damage. B'Elanna was probably still swearing her ridges off in engineering. Poor Vorik.

The command team was quiet on the way. It wasn't like they usually chatted away the time, but the mood between them was always tangible for the rest of us. When they were flirty, we were happy; when they had disagreed, we were subdued.

* * *

"Computer, delete last two sentences."

Tom figured he couldn't really say they were flirting on the bridge. It certainly looked that way to him most of the time, but... who was going to read this anyway, once it was out of his hands? His father, the admiral? Kathryn's mother? Chakotay? Nobody could really blame them for having some fun, under the circumstances. Although the Captain would probably disagree on that one. She was all for sticking to discipline and protocol.

He recycled his cup and paced around, finally standing by the viewport again, pondering over the streaming stars. He needed to make up his mind now about how he would continue. This was going to be the most personal log he'd ever made, no matter how he phrased it. And there was probably no way that he could disguise its implications with delicate wording.

He replicated a fresh coffee and sat on the couch, his head dropping on the backrest. He figured honesty was the only answer. Not holding anything back. So he put a security lock on the entry – and decided he'd worry about the possible "delivery" later.

"Computer, resume."

* * *

Sometimes they were flirty, and it cheered everyone up. But these days they were often tense and quiet, and that weighed heavily on the bridge crew. Voyager being so small, we all got to read each other pretty well. I often wondered what would happen between them if circumstances were different. In the beginning, I even ran quite a popular betting pool on it.

We reached the planet and went into high orbit. It was small and turned out to be class M – what we didn't see yet, was the dense jungle that covered it. Harry had trouble getting clear readings. "I'm not sure how, Captain, but it seems that someone is making an effort to cloak this planet all

together. But they're not very good at it." He looked up with a frown.

"Cloak the planet?" She raised her eyebrows at Chakotay, who was equally confused. At least they always pulled together once she had made up her mind. The first officer hardly ever went against her orders. "Well, they certainly want to keep out visitors," he added.

Tuvok reported lifesigns. "There are at least 200.000 humanoids down there, Captain, but I cannot determine what species we're dealing with."

"That wouldn't be the first time. Can we transport down?"

"Negative. Their cloak may be crude, but it sufficiently interferes with transporters and sensors."

Janeway stepped closer to the viewscreen and I watched her over my shoulder. She looked determined. "Very well, I suspected as much. Tom, Tuvok, Chakotay, we're taking a shuttle. Ensign Kim, you have the bridge." It still remains a mystery to me why she left Voyager to Harry in a crisis. Not that I don't trust him to handle it. But she knew as well as anyone that taking the three highest ranking officers on the ship on an away mission was a thing for diplomatic functions. Not unknown, dangerous planets in the Delta Quadrant.

Chakotay is a spiritual man, he probably thinks it was meant to happen. Considering how it turned out, maybe it was. I guess Kathryn simply wanted him by her side. God knows what they talked about in her ready room.


	4. A Warm Welcome

**Chapter 4 – A Warm Welcome**

Just before we left the ship, the Doctor informed us of Seven's condition. She had woken up, but was in such a miserable state that he had to sedate her again. Cutting the shuttle through the cloak and dense atmosphere wasn't easy. But I suppose I was the only one concerned with that. During our descent, nobody spoke. The Captain was even more determined now to get one of those 200.000 aliens to tell her what was wrong with Seven. Looking back, that too was a bad idea and quite reckless, but we didn't have much time, and the planet was our only lead.

I set us down in the general area of where Tuvok presumed a larger settlement. Around us was only jungle. Not much light made its way through the dense trees, the air was warm and humid. The buzzing of millions of insects droned in our ears. It was quite oppressive, as if the jungle wanted to set the mood for what was about to happen.

I go over it again and again in my mind, but there was nothing we could have done differently. We took a medkit, had phasers at the ready and all our tricorders out. Tuvok took the lead, Chakotay the rear. We made it about half a kilometre into the jungle when we first Tuvok said the lifesigns were dead ahead. A few minutes later, the jungle started to thin.

We stepped out onto a clearing. Huts were scattered across it. Everything wore signs of age and wear, but the technology looked sophisticated. But I had little time at that point to survey my surroundings. Because then we saw the inhabitants coming out of their huts.

They were Borg.

I guess it wasn't such a big surprise – after all, how many people knew how to send a message to other Borg implants and stayed individuals long enough to do it? But that, the barrier and especially the cloak, wasn't the way of the Borg. And at that point we naturally presumed that it _was_ them who set it all up. It didn't make sense.

We were all shocked, but Tuvok quietly reminded us to keep calm. After all, the Borg don't attack if you're not a threat. And there were so many of them, we were hardly a threat to them. We slowly stepped backwards into the jungle again. They noticed us immediately.

We made it a few paces back before they started moving toward us. And they were faster than we thought. Chakotay and Tuvok fired at the closest drones. They looked down at their chests and moved on. I fired at one to my right. He wasn't affected either. Janeway was next to me, firing too.

"They're not adapting," she observed with clenched teeth.

Chakotay stepped closer to her. "No. But they're not harmed either. We should run while we still can."

"Agreed." She quickly exchanged a confirming nod with Tuvok.

And so we turned and ran. Lucky for us, the Borg again needed a moment to react before they came after us. But we weren't prepared for them to come out of the jungle as well. We were almost completely surrounded. Since our phasers weren't harming them, they lunged straight at us, arms raised. Janeway ducked one arm but was caught by another. Chakotay dove at her attackers and took them down. But that only made him the first one with assimilation tubules in his neck.

The Captain reacted quickly, although she stared at Chakotay in shock. She took out her tricorder, opened it, pressed a button, yelled "Tuvok!" and threw it over to him. He was still furthest away from the new attackers and had an opening to get to the shuttle.

I was tackled from the side as I fired at the closing mass of drones. I faintly wondered why they were attacking us so physically, when all they needed was a good shot at our necks. Resistance really was futile. As I went down, I saw some of them grab the Captain while she called to Tuvok, "Take the shuttle, go!"

Where someone else might have hesitated, Tuvok turned and made for the shuttle. I felt a sharp pain at my neck. Dropped to my knees. I saw the Captain struggle. She received a hard blow to the head – that was the last thing I remember.

* * *

When I awoke it was dark. I needed a while to understand that waking up was usually not part of the deal. Assimilation was a dead-end street. Next to me lay Chakotay and the Captain. He was slowly coming around too. I sat up and quickly scanned the area. We were in one of the huts, it seemed. A window showed the night sky, spotted with looming clouds.

"Tom?" Chakotay whispered, rubbing his neck.

I turned to look at him. My eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness. "You don't look like a Borg to me," I said.

He nodded. "I'm glad to hear it. I don't feel like one either – presuming that is something you can feel..." He turned to the Captain, who was still unconscious. He bent over her and touched her shoulder.

"Kathryn," he tried. His voice was different when he spoke to her. And the use of her first name made me a little uncomfortable. She didn't move. "Kathryn, wake up." I crawled over to her as well and examined her. I am, after all, a trained medic.

"She has a bruise on her head. I saw her take a blow before I blacked out."

Chakotay moved to look at what I saw. He frowned. "She probably put up quite a fight."

"She's the Captain," I offered with a light smile.

He looked at me, frowning. "Tom, what the hell is going on? We're supposed to be mindless drones by now. Why do we still know who we are?"

I didn't have an answer for him. Luckily, the Captain was coming around. Chakotay held her shoulder, helping her to sit up. "Are you all right?"

She blinked. "I think so. What happened? Where are we?" She appraised us both, then looked around. "Where's Tuvok?"

"I think he made it to the shuttle," I said. "But we have no idea why we haven't been assimilated."

"Oh we've been assimilated all right." Chakotay showed his neck. I could clearly make out two dots where the tubules had been, the skin around them had taken on a familiar greenish colour. The Captain and I touched our necks and found similar markings. Her eyes went wide with shock. "I remember now... But why are we still...?" She winced and touched her head. "Ow.. that drone really had a mean left hook."

Chakotay smiled a little, but when he spoke he was serious. "They're Borg - they're not supposed to hit us... and we're not supposed to mind any more."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I say we figure it out later and now use our individuality to get us out of here – while we still have it." She slowly stood on shaky legs.

We got up, too and Chakotay steadied her for a moment. "Agreed."

I looked out the window. "There don't seem to be any patrols." The other two found a door, but it was automatic and there was no access panel. Janeway turned to me. "I guess it's the window then."

"Seems odd that they'd lock us in here but leave a window open to escape." Chakotay said as he went on checking the walls.

I said, "I'm having a look around," and squeezed myself through the window, which was really nothing more than a round hole in the wall. I ducked and looked around me. Everything was quiet. I slowly scouted the area around our hut and found out it was somewhere in the centre of the small settlement. Behind several more buildings the jungle rose up like a huge dark wall.

I went back to the window to report. Moments later the other two had climbed out, too, and we made our way along the huts. After a few minutes, we reached some sort of square. Still, there were no Borg to be seen. We were crouched behind a wall when Janeway suddenly whispered, "There!" and we saw one drone sitting on the ground in front of a hut.

Chakotay frowned. "Is he asleep?"

"Well, I don't see any alcoves; or _anything_ reminiscent of Borg activity for that matter." The Captain exhaled and slumped down against the wall. Chakotay and me exchanged a look, then sat down next to her.

I realised how much she hated uncertainty; situations where what we knew was suddenly upside-down. And I got the feeling that Chakotay was a lot more familiar with that trait of her than I was. I thought how sad it was that even the senior staff had not become closer with her over the years.

Suddenly, she turned to me. I immediately shrank back a bit, but she didn't say anything, just looked really confused. Chakotay stared at me too, and frowned. It only lasted a second, then we turned back to the sleeping Borg. I guess that was the first time it happened. I didn't know that back then of course, but now it makes perfect sense.

"We can go around the bigger hut there and make our way into the jungle." Chakotay broke the silence and pointed towards our right. The Captain cocked her head. "Well, not that the jungle looks very inviting, but I guess we don't have much of a choice."

Crouching, we ran along the huts to the other side of the square. Just when we reached the taller building, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the drone move. He was awake, and a second later he saw us. I only managed an urgent "Captain!" between my teeth, but she had already stopped. She and Chakotay stared at two other drones that had just left the taller building.

Time seemed to slow down as we waited for something to happen. And then they did the strangest thing: they saluted, one laid an arm around the other's shoulder and together they stumbled away. Chakotay's face was the picture of incredulity. "Are they... drunk?"

That gave me an idea. I nodded towards the drone on the square, who was now standing and looking suspicious, and shrugged a little, indicating my commanding officers. I turned and put an arm each around their shoulders, and, dragging them with me, walked in the direction of the two drunkards.

A quick look over my shoulder told me he bought it, though reluctantly. Probably he just wanted to go back to sleep. I can only imagine the Captain and Chakotay's looks. We made it around the corner and ended up next to a window, showing the inside of the tall hut. What we saw was unbelievable. It was a bar - or at least it tried to be.

There were several Borg sitting around, a few were playing cards or drinking. There was no music, but I noticed a small machine in a corner give of scratchy noises and beeps. I guess it must have been some kind of jukebox. We all looked at each other, thinking the same: _What the hell was this place?_

Janeway motioned us to the ground, my little stunt apparently forgotten. "Did you see that? Some of them didn't even look like full Borg. More like... halfway there."

"Most of them are from the same race," Chakotay observed. "I only saw one who wasn't."

"The guy on the square looked like a full Borg to me," I said, but regretted it immediately when Janeway looked at me with an amused smile. "Nice going there by the way, Ensign," she whispered. I was relieved and grinned.

Chakotay gave me a quick smile, too. Then he fixed his eyes on us. "Look, they don't seem to be too worried about us escaping – and it's not like we have anywhere to go until Voyager comes for us. So I say we stay here and try to find out who they are and what happened to them – and us."

Janeway smiled at him knowingly. "Always the anthropologist."

But instead of smiling, he simply looked and searched her face. I felt a strange sensation. As if they were talking, but I couldn't hear them. Again, it was gone in a heartbeat. "I agree with Chakotay," I said. "We should learn about them what we can, maybe it helps us undo whatever they did to us." I gestured up to the window. "And I'd rather take my chances with them than with that jungle."

Chakotay nodded and smiled grimly. "Well, normally I'd think you were crazy, but you're right. After all, they already assimilated us, what more can they do?"

Janeway rolled her eyes. "I don't want to find out."

I couldn't help but grin at our odd situation. "Well, Captain, can I buy you a drink?"

* * *

It actually worked. We sat on a table and tried to look confident, and although I think our appearance told everyone else that we were new here, nobody bothered us. The bartender-drone brought us three glasses with what we later dubbed 'Borg ale'; there seemed to be no money involved – at least that wasn't a problem.

Chakotay cautioned us about the drinks, but the Captain, in a rush of fatalism, said it really couldn't get much worse and downed hers. I imitated her and said to him, "if they sleep instead of regenerating, they must eat and drink, too. And it might have raised suspicion if we rejected something." I sipped on my glass carefully. I silently saluted Captain Janeway for being so brave. It tasted bitter, but it could have easily been horrible. Chakotay sighed, thinking probably something along the lines of 'sure, apart from refusing to drink, we blend in nicely, Ensign' and joined us. Over the next hour or so we simply observed the other Borg around us.

I realised my fear of raising suspicion really was ungrounded. In any other bar as shabby as this one, people would have noticed three people in uniforms. Here, we stood out even more, being the only ones who didn't look Borg. And yet, nobody seemed to care about us.

There were two of them sitting next to us, one male, on female. Scraps of their original clothing stuck out underneath a few Borg implants. She still had hair and her skin was fair, while he already wore some small tubules on his bald head and took on a distinctly green hue. When they got up to leave we all stared at her.

"She's pregnant?", the Captain whispered. Only when they had left did we look at each other again, totally stunned. These people simply made no sense. "Why assimilate others when they still procreate?" Chakotay asked in an undertone.

"Maybe they don't procreate quickly enough," I offered. But we were all at a loss of course.

The rest of our time was pretty much spent in this manner. I filed a complete report on all our observations – they're the stuff for ethnologists and anthropologists. Suffice it to say, we learned that these Borg weren't really Borg as we knew them. We emptied our glasses and then decided to go back to _our_ hut, to face whatever they had in store for us in the morning. At the end of that evening, we were all a little more than curious. More so, as there seemed to be no immediate danger. We would soon realise how wrong we were.

* * *

When we got back, we were surprised to find the room less empty than we thought. Chakotay climbed in first. "Take a look at this," he said and walked over to a corner. "Mattresses? A table?"

I joined him to take a look. "Do you think someone brought them in while we were gone?"

"Well, it's not like anybody seems to care where we are, and they assumed we'd be back. Here," he added and handed me one very tattered mattress.

"They've seen better days," I said. It was spotted with dirt and holes.

"If you'd rather sleep on the ground Mr. Paris, that can be arranged." Chakotay smirked. We noticed that the Captain was yawning. He went over to her and placed a mattress on the floor for her.

"Seems awfully convenient, doesn't it? But I'm tired enough to accept it for now." She yawned again. Chakotay and I exchanged a grin. Even I knew that it was highly unlikely for the Captain to admit she was tired. We took our stations left and right from her, and so we all lay down to sleep. How could we be so naïve! And... just before I dropped off to sleep I heard a gentle whisper. But nobody had spoken.


	5. Closer

**Chapter 5 – Closer**

I awoke, and didn't immediately know why. The air was cool and smelled of early morning. Pale light was flowing in through the window. I blinked and slowly remembered where I was, and why.

Then I noticed what woke me; Captain Janeway was moving, her hands fighting an invisible opponent, her head jerking from left to right, small noises of effort ripping the stillness. She was having a nightmare. I found myself totally overwhelmed by it. Seeing someone else like that was uncomfortable at best, but with her, it was unbearable. In that moment I really understood why the 'command distance' was so important. I pressed my eyes shut and willed myself deaf.

Just when she paused to breathe, I heard Chakotay stir, too. But he didn't hesitate: where everyone else kept their distance, he would not. "Kathryn," he whispered, sitting next to her. Again, the intimacy of that made me wish I was anywhere but there. Chakotay bent over and, grabbing her shoulders, shook her gently. I nearly held my breath.

"Wake up," he said. She struggled against him, but he grabbed her hands and tried to calm her. Suddenly, she awoke with a start.

"It's all right," he tried again, and she finally noticed him. She sat up and stared, taking a few deep breaths. For a moment she seemed unsure as to what to do. Then, slowly but surely, she simply leant into his embrace. He pulled her close. She wasn't crying, just taking deep breaths. A little uncertainly, he stroked her hair.

A shiver ran down my spine; I could feel both their thoughts for a second; they were totally unguarded. But I guess I was still too tired to understand it. And I tried not to notice anyway - it felt so wrong to intrude; yet I was fascinated. My two commanding officers, usually larger than life, sat here simply comforting each other.

After a while, her breathing slowed, and he gently lowered her back on the bed. He watched her settle back into sleep, and slowly went back to lie on his own mattress, not taking his eyes of her. There was a lot to occupy my mind until morning; two people I thought I knew, and about a connection between the strange sensations we had felt. There was something important happening, and we weren't realising it yet.

Morning arrived quickly. I really didn't get any more sleep after Janeway's nightmare. After a while, when they were both sleeping, I had begun to feel increasingly connected to them. At first I thought I had just imagined it; but by morning I was absolutely sure, and was willing to test it.

Chakotay was the first to wake up. He looked around sleepily and ran a hand through his hair.

"Good morning," I said, and he almost looked surprised to see me.

"I hope so," he only said and immediately checked on the Captain. She was still sleeping soundly, so we kept our voices down.

I didn't beat around the bush. "Chakotay, have you noticed something odd happening to us?"

He raised his eyebrows. "What, you mean like being assimilated?"

I ignored his quip and locked eyes with him, ready to gamble. "Well, how about this? You once caught an infection as a kid – a dangerous one. But your father wouldn't hear of taking you to a doctor, he insisted on treating you with your tribe's traditional medicine. You hated that and woke up every morning, afraid that you were going to die." Of course, I embellished a bit. "A minute ago, you felt exactly the same way again."

Chakotay stared at me. I had guessed correctly. Not that it made any sense.

"How do you know that?"

"You dreamed of it, didn't you?"

"That doesn't answer my question."

Before I could comment on what assimilation had probably done to us, we saw the Captain wake up. She tried to be alert as soon as she remembered where she was. "Good morning, gentlemen," she said, wearing her crooked grin. How good she was at this! Nobody would have suspected that, a few hours ago, she had been a proper mess. "I see we're still ourselves."

Chakotay smiled and nodded. I guessed that he would've liked to talk to her about the incident at night, but couldn't, because I was there. And I could hardly tell him to go ahead - I didn't want to explain my eavesdropping. Our situation was getting increasingly uncomfortable. I thought how annoying it was to be where I was, sharing this strange closeness with people I wasn't close to.

"You know, Tom, I think that was the most honest thing you ever..." Captain Janeway looked up. Seeing my shocked face she frowned. "Wait a minute..."

"Kathryn... he didn't say that out loud."

She stared at Chakotay, who had obviously 'heard' me too.

I should have been the least surprised, and yet it was extremely unsettling. Before we could start speculating about our 'condition', a loud bang broke our uncomfortable silence.

As the door stuttered open, we all jumped to our feet and then slowly took a few steps backwards. Out of the darkness in the other room, a large drone walked in. He was a different species than most of the others, and undoubtedly a full Borg. He took a good look at us and grunted in satisfaction. He waved to the door, and two of his friends came in, walking right over to us. Instinctively, we retreated to the wall, I saw Janeway hold up her hands in defiance-

Our struggle was short-lived. Metal in my neck. An icy shiver running down my spine. Pain, nausea. I thought I could feel every single nanoprobe eating into my blood. When the drone finally removed his hand, I fell to my knees. An overwhelming sense of disgust took hold of me. I faintly noticed Chakotay and Janeway stagger and crumple against the wall. Then I threw up.

* * *

"I believe, Commander, your exact words were 'what more can they do?'" Janeway had quickly gathered her wits about her, even though she was still in shock. She knelt on all fours, struggling to breathe.

Chakotay clutched his neck in pain. "Correct me if I'm wrong – but last time, it wasn't so painful, was it?" His words came ragged. Next, the Captain spotted me. I was still lying on my side, collapsed after I'd been sick. She crawled over to me.

"Tom, are you all right?"

"Not... really..." I breathed. My mouth tasted sick, metallic, and of that horrible Borg ale. She and Chakotay carried me to the mattress, and Janeway ripped a bit out of her uniform undershirt. I was feeling pretty dizzy, everything they did was a blur. She wiped my mouth, and looked around. "Chakotay, check the other room – see if you can find some water."

He was gone, and she slumped down next to me, exhausted. She tried to breathe normally, but it was hard. "What I'd give for a decent coffee now," she murmured. I managed a smile as she looked over to me, thinking "that's my Captain back". And then we both froze.

She did a genuine double-take, and we simply stared at each other. In that moment, I could sense it all so clearly: her thoughts, feelings... and she felt mine, too. It was disturbing, but I was unable to stop it. Our reverie was broken by Chakotay. "Here, I found these in the... hey, are you all right?" I guess we both looked totally out of it.

He put down the jugs and sat next to Kathryn. She smiled, slightly confused, and touched his arm somewhat reverently. He gasped. "What happened?" was the last coherent thing he uttered, before the sensation slammed into us like a crashing wave.

The weight of responsibility, and maybe the guilt, were the strongest feelings I remember. But also a tremendous strength and that indomitable will. From her side, anyway. From him, I received a similar impression, but voiced totally different. Compassion mostly. It scared the hell out of me. And what I threw in, I can only guess. Probably confusion... no, well, more like respect? I don't really know what I felt, with all those foreign images and thoughts in my head.

_How is this possible?_

_Assimilation? Just the three of us ...in a collective?_

_I don't hear any other voices. Just you._

_But why?_

We stared at each other, exploring this new way of communicating. But not for long. It was hard to shield anything from each other, and trying to do so was getting painful for all of us. "I can't take this... much longer," I said, and tried to move away. Kathryn – and from that moment on I couldn't call her anything else – struggled with the bond too. Her eyes were squeezed tight with effort. "I don't like this. We need to snap.. out.. of it... now!"

She... _tore_. The force of her sheer will felt like she had tugged at one of my limbs and ripped it out at the socket. Chakotay clenched his teeth in pain._ Stop it! _She paused and looked up. His voice was thunder.

"We have to fight it, Chakotay. We have to fight THEM!"

_Do you really think that's going to work?_

_No, but I have to believe we can fight any battle. Even a losing one. I cannot give up._

Again the simple honesty of thoughts; she could not hide this. She lowered her head in defeat. I felt only sympathy. Tears welled up in her eyes, but not because of my thoughts – because of his. Chakotay, suddenly oblivious to me, laid a hand on her shoulder. His other hand brought up her face to his. The tension was tangible while a web of confused thoughts passed between them. There was so much he wanted to say. But I guess all he thought could be summed up in very few words.

_We'll get out of this, somehow. You're not alone. How many times do I have to tell you? _What he was actually thinking was obvious. He couldn't help it. Hell, who could.

She tried a weak smile, and he embraced her.

I couldn't take it any more. _You two are crazy, you know that?_

They both looked up, and Chakotay's sheepish grin was matched by Kathryn's embarrassed smile. "And when you're done being crazy about each other, I'd like to talk about getting out of here."

Chakotay let go of her a bit. "I'm all for that."

She glanced up at him. "What happened to anthropology?" Her thoughts spoke volumes on how much she chastised herself for being lulled into a false sense of security.

"How were we supposed to know they'd do it again?" His thoughts were similarly dark. I was silently grateful for not being in command. That burden was not for me. Kathryn looked at me wistfully. _It's nice to be able to feel that again... what it's like for you and the others, Tom. _

_I wish I could say the same, _I thought.


	6. Resistance

Chapter 6 – Resistance

"So how do we go about it?" I still found it hard to ignore the swirling mass of thoughts, but in time it became easier to shut out the unimportant clutter. Kathryn's thoughts were sharp, now that she was bent on the task, but still whirling around ten possible escape routes, and at least fifty possible calamities. Chakotay's thoughts were calmer and more focussed. I noticed his hands covering hers on the ground.

"We need Voyager. Until we find a way to contact them, we're dead in the water." Kathryn got up now, and we followed. "And I'd like to get my hands on some weapons."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Phasers aren't any good. Something blunt, maybe?" She smiled rather viciously. "Exactly."

I grabbed one of the jugs Chakotay had brought and drank what turned out to be stale water. After we'd passed it around, we stepped into the next room. It was almost empty, apart from a small kitchen-like area and a table. We proceeded to the door. in front of the house, a drone was standing. He eyed us cautiously, but let us pass.

When we were out of earshot, Kathryn bent over to us. "If we make an open attempt at escaping, they won't let us out of their sight. We should be discreet about this."

_I guess they think there isn't much of a chance to escape at all. Until we won't want to any more._

We both looked at Chakotay in apprehension, who looked uncomfortable with this way of speaking, too. He only said, "Well, that way, they won't hear us, will they?" Kathryn rolled her eyes. "We don't know that." I had to try it myself.

_Let's assume they can't._

Kathryn sighed._ Anyway, I don't want to be around for the next dose of nanoprobes, so let's be quick._

We had walked around a bend and ended up next to the bar, when something happened. Loud voices. Behind the building, several young men were shouting something unintelligible at another drone. The distinction was clear: the younger ones were not quite full Borg yet, whereas the older drone was as Borg as one could be. He seemed not disturbed by them and turned to walk away. They cheered after him. He stopped dead. Suddenly, so quickly we could hardly see what was happening, he stepped towards the closest youngster and grabbed him. The man showed little resistance, in fact, he only laughed when the drone dragged him away. We shared a look and followed them.

Back on the square, the drone took the young insurgent to the guard we'd seen the night before. We hid around the corner.

"Five of Six reporting another brawl," our drone said.

The guard only waved dismissively. He looked bored. "Let him go."

"Acknowledged." He let go of the youngster, who said something possibly insulting and ran back to his friends.

"Sir, why do you never take action against them?" Five of Six asked his superior.

"What action would be appropriate, Five? Beating them?"

"We are the Borg. Resistance is futile," Five stated indignantly.

"Yes, yes, stop saying that already. How many times do I have to tell you: Resistance is irrelevant, at least here it is." Five gave a curt nod and left, as the guard sat back on the floor, sighing heavily.

Confused thoughts passed between us, this was all extremely weird. Suddenly, the drone spoke up. "You don't have to hide there like frightened _pentanna_, you know." We shared a look. I guess out combined strength made us bold – Kathryn stepped out.

We went to stand before him, and noticed a bottle by his side. He looked up and said, "I don't know your species. You must be new."

"We arrived yesterday," Kathryn stated, unsure what to say. It was strange enough, talking to a Borg like this, but combined with hearing her thoughts and actually feeling her uncertainty, it was a lot to handle. Chakotay had trouble keeping our thoughts apart from everything else. He tried to collect himself. "Look, what is going on here? Who are you people?"

But he didn't answer, and only rambled on. "Well, 's been quite a while that we had new arrivals. Nobody comes here, usually. It's just us. 200.304 lifeforms. All Borg," he stated like it was a system's report, then giggled and took a swig from his bottle.

Kathryn tried again. "Who are you? You're not like the Borg we met before. You're... individuals! Why have you assimilated us?"

"I... we are the Borg!" He snorted a laugh. "...'s what we do, honey!" He gestured around with his bottle. "That's our way."

She was getting a bit angry now. "Look, we don't have any intention of staying here. I suggest you leave us alone."

The drone looked up, sobered for a moment by annoyance. His eyes bored into hers. "I will not have inferiors tell me what to do! You better don't cause any trouble, or it might get a little less comfortable around here. Now get out of my sight!"

We stepped away quickly, no need to push our luck, really. "Well, that went well," I offered.

"I think we talked to the wrong Borg," Chakotay said. He was thinking of the youngsters. I silently agreed. Kathryn nodded grimly and so we walked back to where they'd been. We noticed that the connection between us was sort of fluctuating. It certainly wasn't at our beck and call. It was more like... when we tried it on purpose, it didn't work. But when we didn't think about it, or tried to conceal anything at all, we were suddenly one, unable to resist the bond.

Our plan didn't work out as we expected. The young men were gone. We started to look around, and walked closer to the jungle. It didn't look so threatening during the day, but it still made for some eerie atmosphere.

Suddenly, we saw movement behind a tree. Chakotay moved closer to investigate, we followed suit. Our thoughts were focussed. A shadow jumped out, one sharp punch took Chakotay down, someone jumped out and grabbed Kathryn. I couldn't react fast enough, and my head was spinning with thoughts of fear, surprise and anger passing rapidly between the three of us. Someone knocked me over, too, but only to run past me into the jungle.

They dragged her away, I recognised the young guy from before. Kathryn shouted for us. When they nearly disappeared in a mass of leaves and vines, I felt a sharp stab of pain. My whole body felt like it was being ripped apart, a throbbing headache brought me back down to the ground. I must've moaned in agony.

Chakotay felt the same. It was unbearable. A hand grabbed my shoulder, someone said something, the pain became less.

"Dammit, they're already linked."

"They're a trio! They're still useful!"

"Very well, bring them."


	7. Underneath

Chapter 7 - Underneath

A little while later, we found ourselves in some kind of makeshift camp deeper in the jungle. About 50 people were living there - but it wasn't much of a living. The place looked like a refugee camp. All of them were nearly Borg, some more, some less; we only saw one or two who weren't showing any obvious signs of Borg assimilation. I wondered whether we were some kind of curiosity because we looked normal still.

The man who brought us in took us to a hut farther off. We had spoken little on our way, but there was little any of us wanted to think about. Kathryn mused about some event in Voyager's past that involved the Borg, Chakotay thought of other refugee camps he'd seen; I don't know, I think I was wondering what B'Elanna and the others were up to. All of a sudden, I missed her very much. Once in a while, Kathryn or Chakotay sent me sympathetic looks, but that was all that passed between us.

An elderly woman greeted us, she called herself Leaffa and told us she was the leader of "the inferiors" as they called themselves. "I'm sorry my friends here were a little rough. But you see, we need more women than men." She said it so matter-of-factly, it shocked us a little. "We need to survive, surely you understand. But now... well, it seems you're already too far theirs." She turned around and faced the wall. Kathryn's glowering voice cut the silence.

"I have no intention of becoming one of your breeding machines."

Leaffa turned and looked astonished. "Not that you could any more, but I take it you'd prefer those Borg pigs to assimilate you to pieces, then?"

"I prefer neither. We're not staying."

The other woman gave a cold, mirthless laugh. "Others have said that. But we need you." She waved to the brute from earlier. "Take them, but--"

Kathryn quickly stepped closer to her. "Look, we have a ship in orbit. They'll get us back. Maybe we can help you somehow... take you with us. It seems you don't like being here, or being part Borg for that matter."

She seemed to think about it for a moment. "What makes you so sure they'll come back for you?"

"Because we're not the people who abandon their crew members when there's a chance of saving them. Especially not their captain..." _and first officer, and best pilot,_ she thought, smiling inwardly. Chakotay smiled.

Leaffa laughed again and poked Kathryn. "Ooh, you're important, aren't you?"

Chakotay cut in. "It's not just that. We came here, because one of our crew is sick. She used to be Borg, and got a hidden transmission when we came near your planet. But she couldn't handle it. We need to find out what it did to her, and how we can help her."

I stepped a little closer. "What happened to you, anyway? What's happened to this planet?"

Hearing about Seven surely shocked her for a moment. "Used to be...? You people are very strange." She considered it all for a moment. Then she gestured to a corner, where they'd put blankets on the ground. "Have a seat, trio, and we'll talk. About that ship of yours."

"We can take you all with us, as long as we can get off this planet," Kathryn said again as we sat down. "But we also need to help our friend." I noticed the guards leave when Leaffa gave them a sign.

"Let's say I believe you, and I am enough of a mind reader to do that.. oh don't look so shocked. I may not be linked to you, but we're all in the same collective here. You just have to learn to find the voices." She grinned mysteriously and tapped her temple. Chakotay and I shared a look that said it all.

Kathryn was eager to get on with it, so she ended up simply telling her what had happened to us. She didn't add in any hints about our link though. Leaffa was probably familiar with our experience and only nodded. "A few decades ago, the Borg came. We didn't know about them, we'd only started to explore space. Only later did we learn they hadn't come on purpose. Not technically advanced enough for their taste," she laughed that cold laugh again. "A small scout ship crashed here, and for some reason their friends took some time to come and 'retrieve' them. There were only about a hundred or so, but they were enough. They did the only thing they knew: assimilation."

Chakotay frowned. "Why didn't you fight them?"

Kathryn was confused, too. "A whole planet against a hundred Borg? We've had worse odds than that!"

Leaffa looked a bit sad now. "I know. It sounds so simple. You see, our species... we're telepathic. And not just a bit. It was our way of life. That's what made it all go so terribly wrong." She sighed. "They got to a bunch of our people over towards the mountains, that's where it started. The assimilation apparently didn't work properly, because our telepathic minds were stronger than their collective. There were so many of us, after all. But the Borg drive to assimilate was strong, like an instinct, you could say, and it took over our people. Through our link, we experienced their confusion, we heard the Borg's voices, too. It threw city after city into chaos. At that rate, it was easy for them to assimilate everyone. But when everyone was … one of them, it didn't work either. They started to regain their individualities, they stopped being full Borg... remembered who they used to be – some more than others. Those that didn't, remained faithful to their Borg ways, and implemented their 'collective order' in every city."

Leaffa sighed heavily. "Then, basically, we arranged ourselves with it. There wasn't much they could do, and we didn't see much we could do about or strange situation. We thought their friends would come to take them away again and we told ourselves everything would go back to normal. But it didn't."

"They didn't come?" Kathryn asked.

"They did, I think – if what you say is true, that fits with our theory. They came, and saw what happened, and were afraid it would spread through the whole collective. So they must've put up that cloak and programmed a message warning all Borg not to come near us."

Chakotay nodded. "So it would seem."

"But what are you then? Some kind of resistance?"

"Actually, yes. I know there isn't much we can do, but it seemed better than to live with them. They assimilate all people that come here accidentally, like you, but there aren't many. And their strength seems to be waning. No doubt you've had the pleasure of being assimilated... what, twice?"

"Unfortunately," Kathryn stated.

"Yes, I sensed your connection was still fresh. You know you're quite the rarity. We never had a trio before. You're very powerful."

Chakotay looked up. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that we're trying to overcome the Borg here to take control of our planet again. We can only do that with collective mind power. You three are stronger than one individual Borg, your link is stronger than their collective, because you're part us, too. If we can only defeat them, isolate them, we might breed children without Borg in them, renew our planet..." she dropped her arms and sighed heavily. "But it's a long way to go, and I won't walk it much longer."

Kathryn thought about it. "With your telepathic power, would you be able to help Seven?" Leaffa nodded immediately. "I can certainly try. If that ship is coming after all. And only then we'll worry about what happens next."

"This.. our being linked," Chakotay started slowly, "it hurt when we were too far apart."

"Yes, that's one of the disadvantages of being in a trio. Most people were assimilated separately in the big chaos that raged. Sometimes in twos. It's a hard way to live."

_So we've noticed._ Kathryn sent me a thoughtful smile, then turned to Leaffa. "The first thing we should do is contact Voyager. Have you got any kind of technology here we could use to set up a transmitter?"

The elderly woman got up slowly, holding her back. "We have basic technological equipment all over the camp. Why don't you just go and take what you need. We hardly use it any more." She hugged herself and glanced somewhere past us. "Ever since the Borg came, we have developed quite an aversion to anything that isn't natural."

And so we walked around the camp. It was true, we were a rarity. People stopped what they were doing and stared when we passed. They exchanged looks, probably telepathically passing gossip, or I don't know what about us. Most of them were trying to plant food, but weren't doing it with much zeal. Kathryn remembered her New Earth tomatoes with a blissful look on her face.

Again, I marvelled at the depths I never suspected beneath my Captain's perfect mask. Chakotay, however, surprised me a lot less. _You should've just kissed her, you know?_

_Excuse me? _He stopped in his tracks, and so did Kathryn.

_Well,_ I went on, _that day on your planet, after you so elegantly told her you loved her, and she weaseled her way out of it all... that day when she was grooming her tomatoes. You knew it was the perfect moment, right?_

I felt he was a bit indignant, as one would be, at first. But our situation warranted my rather blunt intrusion, somehow. He sighed and resigned himself to our utter lack of privacy. _Yes, I thought it was. Especially now, looking back on it. Tuvok contacted us only minutes later._

Kathryn turned to him; she felt very sad. _All those protocols, all the rules, all the training and – it's not real! It's not for us, stranded so far away from home – we need different rules, I see that now. Oh Chakotay, I'm so sorry._

He took her in his arms, and she looked at me, too. _I'm sorry for the crew, too... I've had to be so harsh and distant._

_That... is what you were taught to do - your duty. _It made me very sad too, to know she had suffered so much under the pressure. Now she simply couldn't hold it in any longer.

_Duty is important, but it's just a concept if we can't fill it with.. this! _She grabbed Chakotay's arms. _This! _She shook my shoulders. _This is real, this is what we're surviving for. _She sighed deeply. Chakotay and I could only sympathise. It was right what she said, being together like we were, it was the only way to live – not alone.

* * *

During the day, we simply collected all sorts of technological equipment we could find. We were in luck – most of it was still functioning, albeit covered in dirt, and useful for the small patchwork transmitter we were building.

"I wish my hair was still longer." Kathryn sat crouched on the ground on the blankets the others had given us, bent uncomfortably over the small object.

"What?" I turned to her, amused.

She sat up and stretched her back. "Well, then I'd still have hairpins holding up that ridiculous bun I used to wear, and I could use them to get this thing to work." I laughed. She looked so unusually ...cute when she was this exasperated. A fierce glare shut me up, though.

"Having fun?" Chakotay stepped through the door. I was really glad we were speaking normally. We had agreed on talking, rather than _thinking_, after Kathryn had professed it still felt eerie, and because it was easier to keep track of a conversation.

I turned back to her as she changed her sitting position to stretch her legs. "Actually, I like your hair better this way. Looks a lot less work, too."

"That was the idea." She smiled at Chakotay, who gave her another chunk of electronic cables. "Thanks, but I think we have enough now." She put them on her pile and then showed us her work.

"You see, we have all we need, the only thing left to do is to recalibrate the transmitter to the right frequency." She nodded at me, "that's what I could use a hairpin for." She turned the little mess around and pointed to another end. "And this worries me – their components are old, worn and dirty. I think the signal will be too weak to breach the barrier."

I took it off her to examine it, and Chakotay sighed. "If only they'd left us the combadges."

That gave me an idea. "We may not have our communication devices – but these people here... they have them built in!"

"You mean...?"

"They are all half Borg – one of them is bound to have a transceiver like Seven."

"I'm not sure, it looks as though they escaped the worst part of assimilation," Chakotay said, "but we could ask them."

Kathryn shrugged and got up. "Worth a try."

* * *

"No. Absolutely not. Taking the transceiver would do significant damage to our brains – and you're not even doctors!" Leaffa furrowed her brow.

"We're not going to operate on anyone's brain! Would you listen? We just need to link one of you to our transceiver to send the message – it's simply not strong enough by itself." Kathryn stepped forward, and our thoughts were one again, as in all of these anxious moments.

Leaffa considered this, pacing the room. "But how would it work, can you be sure it would work? And do no harm?"

"Of course not – the person would simply act as a relay... it's worth a try."

The woman stopped pacing and faced Kathryn. "In that case, take me. I might as well take the responsibility."

"Very well, and don't worry, it will be all right." Kathryn turned once more and stopped her, "by the way, you don't happen to have a small, metal pin?" I guess she was in luck – hairpins and the like are available even in the strangest cultures.

She joined us as we walked back to our "sleeping place" as they called it. Blankets on the ground, next to a large, overgrown tree - oh well, I guess it wasn't too bad. Leaffa crouched next to our little transmitter and eyed it cautiously.

"It's not even any physical connection." Kathryn picked up the transmitter and sat next to Leaffa. We joined her, close by, in case of any trouble. We were keenly aware of everything around us now. Kathryn explained what she was doing.

"I want you to relax, and see if you can pick up its signal. I'm going to adjust the frequency until you find it." And so she fiddled around with the pin for a while, until Leaffa suddenly started. "There... I can hear it, it's weak, but it's there..." Kathryn adjusted a bit more, then – "there, that's better, it's quite clear now."

"Good." Kathryn turned the instrument and continued. "Now, I programmed the target, do you think you can amplify the effect?"

"I think.. so.." Leaffa pressed her eyes shut and concentrated hard. Chakotay, Kathryn and I shared a few agonizing moments before she finally declared it to be done. As I later learned, it really worked as we had planned. B'Elanna picked up the signal and traced it, where Tuvok actually believed it to be random interference. Smart girl, she is. But it would be some time, before the cavalry came to rescue us. And then they were just in time.

But I'm getting ahead of myself now. Leaffa bowed, wished us luck and returned to her hut, taking the transmitter with her to "study it", as she claimed. We were all tired now, after the long day, and didn't argue with her. "We'll think of what happens next when they get here – sleep now." She had a point.

When she was gone, Kathryn said, "I don't know what to make of this." She didn't mean the transmission. It seemed odd, that Leaffa, reserved towards technology, should want anything with our transmitter.

_I trust her, _Chakotay thought. Him, of all people! Inspite of our doubts, we all felt we had not many other choices. Sure, she was part Borg – but she was part of the resistance! We had to side with them, somehow.

_Let's just hope Tuvok makes it, so we can help Seven and get out of here. _I added as we laid down. Somehow, we had switched back to our quiet exchange of thoughts, in the dark, warm night. _You can even see the stars, _Chakotay pointed out. Kathryn tried hard to shield her thoughts now, but it was no use. Memories flooded our minds, star gazing with her father, with Chakotay on New Earth. His hand slowly crept over to cover hers. Boy, if I ever felt like a third nacelle!

They obviously knew that, but what were we to do? We all tried to get some sleep, and memories of all their weird and 'almost' encounters swept over me. The things I had missed during all these years! I was stunned how deep their relationship truly was, and I couldn't believe that I, being always on the lookout, could have missed it. Until that day, I never quite understood how important they had become for each other, personal and professional. And from that mutual trust developed a fast friendship – and in time, they accepted the fact that more was never possible. Dinner here, lunch there; meetings in the ready room just to reminisce about a memory from earth – the things we, the crew, gossiped about were in fact the basis of what held us all together.

Sharing their thoughts, it felt as if I was in love with them both at the same time – for reasons I could not comprehend. Because what were her smile and his touch to me but gestures of friendship? To them it was the world. It was all they had left to cling to.


	8. Maelstrom

Chapter 8 – Maelstrom

Kathryn and Chakotay were still resting peacefully on their biobeds. Tom sat on the floor on the other side of sickbay, watching them. It was soothing to be around them – the only people who really knew him. He needed another break from his log-making.

The doors of sickbay swooshed open. The Doctor came back from one of his house calls. He didn't immediately spot Tom, and busied himself with removing his mobile emitter and putting things where they belonged. He was humming a tune. That was more than Tom could handle. "Computer, end EMH."

"Wha---"

Tom relaxed again and continued his watch. As if alerted by his presence, Chakotay woke up. He slowly sat up and immediately checked on his sleeping Captain. When he stood, he noticed Tom on the floor, but wasn't surprised.

"How are you feeling?"

Tom gave him a tired half-smile. At least here he could be completely honest. "Not well. I feel uncomfortable around everyone, apart from you and the Captain."

"Since when did you start referring to her by rank again?" Chakotay slouched down next to him and they simply sat there for a while. "You know, as your commanding officer, I should tell you to hang in there, and all that – but right now I know that's the last thing you want to hear. So I can only say - I know exactly how you feel." He smiled and put a hand on Tom's arm. "And I'm sure you can still call her Kathryn."

Tom smiled, and together they enjoyed the quiet humming of the ship, both content to watch their sleeping friend's breathing. "Tom, why don't you get some sleep."

"I already tried. I ended up making the longest personal log I ever made."

It was obvious about what. "Oh," Chakotay only said. He pondered for a while. "So, how... personal is it?"

Tom didn't look up. "As personal as it gets."

"I see."

"I'll encrypt it."

Chakotay sighed. "You know, you should try sleeping here. I couldn't sleep in my quarters either."

Tom looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Chakotay broke into a somewhat shy grin and looked over to Janeway. "It's the biobeds. They're really comfortable."

Tom smiled sympathetically. "How is she, anyway...?"

"I think she has a hard time being alone." They both stood.

Tom turned to his friend. "Look, what about you? Why don't you take a stroll... maybe see B'Elanna, she was worried about you."

Chakotay stepped closer to the Captain's bed, unsure whether he really wanted to leave her. "Don't worry," Tom said. "I'll be here. Consider yourself relieved."

Chakotay smiled and nodded; he left quickly before his feelings convinced him to stay. A few minutes later, Tom was lying on a biobed, soundly asleep.

* * *

We awoke shortly after daybreak. I remember taking a deep breath, soaking up everything the jungle would give me. I was filled with a deep satisfaction at being where I was, surrounded by smells and sounds and growing, living things, so much it was overwhelming.

Kathryn sat up next to me and smiled. She felt the same way. Light slowly crept through the canopies, shadows playing on her face. I saw Chakotay watching her with a small smile on his face. He felt totally at peace. Despite our situation, he savoured the moment completely. He was at home.

Then I realised that it was him this sensation had come from. I had never been too much of an outdoor person. I noticed the night had forged us even closer together. I couldn't remember each of our dreams, but I know we shared them. I... we all felt simply happy in that moment. It's strange; we all thought being forced upon each other like this would be intolerable. But in fact, after we were past some of the earlier embarrassments, it was perfect.

Then, the wind caught up with us. The huge trees swayed and creaked, their leaves rustled by the sudden gust. The air became thick with the promise of rain. Our comfort made way for a strange feeling of foreboding. It was usually so hot on the planet, we'd long taken off our jackets. Kathryn had even stripped to her turtleneck the day before, unable to bear the oppressive heat in the air. But now she picked up her jacket again, shivering. Chakotay took a step closer and put an arm around her shoulders. Flocks of birds flew over the jungle. I shivered too, thinking of the onslaught of rain that was about to hit us.

"Humans!" Leaffa came striding towards us. "I need you."

Chakotay let go of Kathryn and we stepped closer together, focussed. There was something menacing about her triumphant walk. "Here," she handed Kathryn our transmitter back. "Take a look at it – tell me what you think."

I didn't notice anything at first, but when Kathryn took a closer look, we all knew Leaffa had made "...just some modifications," she finished our thought, her lips curled up in a tight smile. Kathryn looked up and frowned. "You added these signal enhancers and changed the frequency... why?"

Now Leaffa really looked almost greedy with satisfaction. "We discussed your technology last night. I told them your story. One of the younger people came up with a brilliant idea. Actually he said it was you that prompted it. He will be honoured amongst our new race."

"New race?"

"We're going to destroy the Borg. Once and for all." We gaped. "And then we will create a new people, a new beginning with untainted children. We will be pure again."

Kathryn frowned. "Wait a minute, you mean, you'll kill every single drone on the planet? How..."

Leaffa cut in. "Your transmitter. We reprogrammed it so it will carry a message to all drones." After an almost undetectable pause she added, "well, all but select few, of course, to take care of the children." We looked at each other. Kathryn felt very uncomfortable, and prepared herself for what she knew Leaffa would say.

"We will simply order them to deactivate themselves. They are Borg, they will comply."

I got very angry all of a sudden, or at least one of us did. I cut in, "still, you're all different now, what makes you think they will _comply_?"

"It's genocide." We all turned to Chakotay, whose fists were clenched. So he was the angry one. Kathryn looked a bit confused, and she had a hard time not getting angry, too. "Chakotay, I know what you're saying... but it is a planet full of Borg..."

He turned his fierce gaze on her. I felt her knees weaken. "That doesn't justify it. Remember the ones we saw in the bar? She was pregnant! Did that look Borg to you?"

"I know, but..."

"Who are we to decide who these people are? They're not Borg any longer. Who knows what they'll become?"

Leaffa stepped closer, visibly angry now too. "I do," she growled. "Nothing at all! Nothing will become of us, nothing will change! The you saw aren't people any more, they're mindless drones! You haven't lived here, you haven't seen a generation of people simply waste away!" She ripped the transmitter from Kathryn's hand and held it up like a trophy. "But this! This will purge our planet and allow us to grow again!"

The next few seconds were the most intense we had lived through so far. It's quite incredible how every person hides their darkest thoughts away, but that doesn't mean they're not there. Usually, there's no need to confront them. Chakotay stared at Kathryn. She liked the idea.

_Kathryn, please tell me you don't mean that. _She knew it was wrong for us, as Starfleet officers, to think of anything like it. Chakotay, our former Maquis, should be the one... but he had the moral high ground. He took her by the shoulders. _Are those the new rules you wanted to make for us? Because if they are, I'd rather stick with Starfleet regulations._

She looked up, and we both were hit with the total defeat in her. Inspite of our connection, Kathryn had hidden herself away perfectly. Now we saw how close she was to losing her grip. It was situations like these that brought it out. Chakotay squeezed her shoulders almost in despair. _Please, listen to yourself. This is not ...who we are!_

Memories flooded through us, as Chakotay tried desperately to reach her. The Captain hailing his ship, offering help. Her getting all the Maquis in line, making him First Officer. Kathryn, planting tomatoes. Trying to make Tuvok laugh. Trust. _Look, _he said, _we know you like this. We trust you. Don't give up on us now. We made it this far._

"I don't have time for this!" Leaffa suddenly stepped between them and fixed her eyes on Kathryn, who seemed to gather her wits about her. It seemed Leaffa understood what was going on very well, and was manipulative enough to use it.

In a rush of protective instinct, I put a hand on Kathryn's shoulder as well. "We're not helping you to kill 200.00 people. Borg or not."

Suddenly, Kathryn's head snapped up and with a fixed jaw she added, "I agree. That's not how we do things." I felt a huge wave of relief wash over Chakotay and myself. As if on cue, lightning flashed up over the jungle, followed by ear splitting thunder.

Leaffa wasn't startled by the first drops of rain. Her voice turned cold. "Do I look like someone who cares how you do things? Here, we do things our way. And you'll help us." Out of nowhere, three of her people appeared and grabbed us. Thunder cracked again. Leaffa was gone. Chakotay punched, Kathryn kicked, it all happened so fast, we couldn't get our bearings.

Suddenly, the rain started. It felt like someone had simply emptied a bucked of water over us. I had never experienced anything like it. Unfortunately, the Borg people had. While we were slipping in the mud, they simply started to drag us away. We hardly saw anything. Kathryn's thoughts came fierce and clear now. _We need to get the transmitter back._

_She's never going to help Seven now, _I thought, still wrestling with the arm around my neck, _and without us apparently she can't do anything. Let's just try to get out of here._

_No, _Chakotay thought, _they'll figure it out sooner or later. Kathryn's right, we need it back._

_Not that we're going anywhere at the moment, _I added. But after a few metres of being dragged through the mud, a phaser blast whipped past my head. I could hear someone firing over the drumming rain. I felt the grip on me loosen. Another blast, then another, and we were free. Leaffa's henchmen turned, but quickly dropped into the mucky puddles, dead.

"Captain!" "Tom!" "Commander!" It was the most welcome sight in days. I had just time to wipe the rain out of my eyes and see someone run towards me, before I was assaulted with a fierce hug. I grabbed hold of B'Elanna, and I didn't let her go again. The others smiled as they shared my feelings. With three people's emotions bottled up within me, I think I had become quite sensitive. "Am I glad to see you," I said and kissed her. That was definitely too much for Tuvok, who frowned at our bad conduct 'on duty'. I think B'Elanna was a bit embarrassed, too. But the others, amongst them a very relieved Doctor and Lieutenant Ayala, were simply glad to see us alive and apparently not assimilated.

Tuvok turned to the Captain and Chakotay, who were, probably affected by my reunion, holding hands. He raised his eyebrows, but only said, "Captain, Commander, it is good to see that you are unharmed." At that, the two of them shared a look. "I successfully accessed the information from your tricorder," Tuvok addressed Kathryn. "That's how we eventually managed to adapt our transporters--" The Doctor, who was running his tricorder over me interrupted him, "...wait a minute." He frowned. B'Elanna let go and eyed me with concern.

"You _have_ been assmiliated," the Doctor exclaimed, "but how is this possible?"

Quick thoughts passed between the three of us, and involuntarily we stepped closer together again. B'Elanna noticed. Suddenly, our situation was very awkward.

"We can explain later, Doctor," Kathryn said, "first, how's Seven holding up?"

"Well, she's still in sickbay. Once she recovered from the initial shock, she woke up. But I'm afraid she's still not stable. She seems to have reconnected with the collective... here."

"WHAT?" They didn't understand our alarm, but we knew full well what would happen to Seven once Leaffa decided to pull the plug. We faced each other in panic.

_We have to get that transmitter back!_

_Then we still won't have a way of helping Seven..._

_It's better than letting them figure out how to kill every Borg around here._

Hell, it sure must've freaked B'Elanna and the others out, since they had no idea what was going on! Having made the decision, we broke into a dead run back to the village, and Kathryn just about managed to coherently tell the others to follow us. Our non-verbal communication was much faster with these things. The rain was making it impossible to see. Another couple of Borg came at us, but when the away team raised their rifles they made a quick retreat. We made our way towards Leaffa's house. Huddled masses of half-Borg stared at us from their shelters.

Leaffa had realised we were coming and stood in the doorway as we approached. She looked very determined. She held the transmitter like a religious object, her quick and easy way to salvation. We stood right in front of her, our thoughts racing. B'Elanna stepped closer to me and over the pounding rain she quietly said, "they're closing in on us." I looked and saw she was right. There was a mass of people standing around us, watching, waiting.

"We will not allow this. Give us the transmitter, and we'll be on our way." Kathryn glared.

"You won't allow it? How about you assist me and I'll let you go unharmed," Leaffa sneered.

Chakotay stood behind the Captain. "The woman in our crew was accidentally linked to this collective. If you kill them, you're killing her, too."

"I'm touched. But unfortunately war has its casualties." She gave an almost invisible nod to her people, who began to tighten their circle around us. Tuvok and Ayala reacted immediately, rifles trained on the nearest Borg, trying to ignore the pouring rain.

Kathryn was in full Captain mode now, and we were part of it. She stood erect, staring Leaffa down. "I promise you, if you harm her, I'll make sure you'll regret it." I still shiver when I think of her voice.

We didn't get a chance to hear what she would have said to that, because at the far end of the camp, a commotion broke out. Weapons fire, screams. Kathryn looked at Leaffa; all the colour had drained from her face, she whispered, "they've come," and quickly retreated into her hut.

The other Borg began to panic. We understood: it seemed the 'real' Borg were coming to clean out the camp. I guess they realised someone was sending a signal and decided to put an end to it. Kathryn stepped into the hut, and we and the away team followed. Leaffa, completely drenched, clutching the transmitter, stood next to her table and steadied herself.

"Now, humans, if you're so morally superior: you have a choice. Either they die, or we all do." Her face was distorted with a mad grin. "If I go ahead with this alone, all of us will drop dead – including your _pet_ up on the ship." Hear breathing was heavy. "Only you can prevent it, and we don't have much time. I need the right frequency, and I know you can get it from these instruments of yours." She pointed at the Doctor, who still had his medical tricorder out.

Chakotay, Kathryn and I really panicked now. Our thoughts became erratic, we tried to evaluate every possible option – but we were left with nothing. The screams and sounds of weapons fire got closer, and we realised it was only a matter of minutes before the whole camp would be overrun.

Leaffa was shaking now. She had truly gone mad with her delusions. "It's time..." she whispered.

"NO!" Kathryn lunged at her, the Doctor sprang into action, Tuvok and Ayala suddenly started firing through the door. And Leaffa, eyes closed, pressed the button.


	9. Fallout

Chapter 9 - Fallout

"No!" Kathryn grabbed the old woman and shook her. Chakotay ripped the transmitter out of her hand--- And it died. It made a noise like a fused circuit, flashed up for a second, and then, was silent. It was probably the rain that had killed it. Leaffa's face fell, and she dropped to her knees. I saw her lips move, her head shake in disbelief. But before we could do anything, we were enveloped by the familiar blur of the transporter beam.

As soon as we rematerialised on Voyager, everyone else started to step off the transporter, but we stayed put. "No! We have to go back! We have to do something!" Kathryn held the Doctor by the arm.

Tuvok turned, frowning. "Captain, we were outnumbered. The Borg overran the camp."

"But..." _They'll be taken by the Borg! Probably get killed! I didn't want this! This wasn't supposed to happen!_

It was impossible to say all the things we thought and felt. Impossible to explain. Chakotay stood in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. It was not an unusual gesture, but suddenly it meant so much more. He was completely oblivious to everyone else. He tilted his head so he could look her in the eyes.

She looked up, and everything froze. I don't know how it happened. Something in him made her hold on to it, as if she simply wanted to flee the responsibility of what had just happened. Kathryn's eyes were wide open as her body fell limp. Chakotay caught her and immediately panicked.

_Kathryn? Can you hear me? What happened, why is she... _he looked around helplessly.

I went down to my knees next to him. Confused and worried, I only thought of the most ridiculous thing to say, somehow. "They can't hear you, Chakotay." He looked up, and it took him a second. The Doctor was already next to the Captain, scanning her; at my comment he looked up, frowning. He already suspected – he can be very observant if he wants to.

"Doctor?"

He only bellowed at the woman operating the transporter. "What are you waiting for, beam us to sickbay!"

When we arrived, Chakotay gathered Kathryn up in his arms and put her on a biobed. I faintly noticed Seven's presence on the larger surgical bed. The Doctor shushed us away, and I took my place at the larger console. B'Elanna was still with us, and stood next to the totally dejected Chakotay. She put an arm around him for support, staring at the Captain. "Just what the hell happened to you down there?"

Chakotay closed his eyes. "You have no idea."

The Doctor piped up now, running his tricorder over her head. "I don't understand. According to this, she's completely healthy – at least given your ...general current state." He looked up to meet mine and Chakotay's eyes with a meaningful look. B'Elanna's head went back and forth between the three of us. "Will somebody just tell me what the hell is going on here?!"

We didn't know what to say. Chakotay walked over to the biobed and took Kathryn's hand. For a few seconds, everyone was quiet. Before the others, I knew something was happening. I felt as if time had suddenly slowed down. Kathryn's body seemed to relax and she sighed quietly. Chakotay's eyes were closed. He was helping her. I walked over to them and placed my hands on her shoulders. Closing my eyes, I dropped into our collective mind, that calm, dark centre I had only briefly grazed before.

It is impossible to explain what happened next. All I consciously remember is, that I had no idea of time passing, and that I had felt extremely at peace. This was the closest we'd ever come to being one instead of three. When it was over, I had no idea why, until I felt Kathryn wake with us. I heard myself breathe, and felt my hands on her smooth shoulders. It was like waking from a deep sleep;

No-- it was more than that. It was like... as if we had been underwater these few days, slowly accepting that we could breathe there. And now, we were returning to the surface, and had to learn how to breathe air, to hear and see, to accept gravity once more. Yes, that was exactly how it felt.

I slowly removed my hands and had to fight nausea for a moment. Kathryn blinked. She saw me and Chakotay and smiled. "Hi."

"Hey there." He gently stroked her hair. The two of them were once more totally oblivious to everything – or everyone – else.

When we 'woke up', B'Elanna immediately jumped to my side. The Doctor was already hovering around me with a tricorder when she took my arm and led me to the next bed. I swayed on my feet.

"Are you all right? You gave us quite a scare."

"I'm fine," I said. "Just a little disoriented."

She helped me to sit on the bed. The Doctor, seeing the command team so preoccupied, stayed with me and finished his scan. "He'll live. Now, Mr. Paris, if you don't mind, you could start filling me in on what exactly it was that happened to you down there. I'm reading an enormous amount of nanoprobes, yet instead of as Borg, you've all ended up as telepaths. The Captain collapsed, and you all went comatose for an hour, and here she is, more relaxed than she has been for five years."

He snapped his tricorder shut and looked at me expectantly. "So as you can see, the situation warrants an explanation."

I was shocked that we'd been gone for so long, and apart from that, I didn't know where to begin, really. I let out a deep breath and sent a quick glance back to Chakotay and the Captain. We were now connected more than before, and it was quite hard to concentrate on other people talking to me. She looked up, and after a check with Chakotay, sat up slowly. We all faced each other, the Doctor and B'Elanna standing between our beds.

"Captain, it's good to have you back." The Doc beamed, and casually began scanning the two of them. Kathryn smiled a little confusedly. _I only wish I could say it's good to be back._

_I agree. _But I was looking at B'Elanna, searching her face, probing that strange difference between us now. I felt like I was so close to her I should be able to read her thoughts, but I couldn't.

The Doc interrupted my musings. "Well, same here. Nanoprobes, unusual telepathic abilities, slight physical injuries, but nothing I can't handle. Now, before I operate, it _may help _to know what happened." I still marvelled at his ability to be sarcastic even in the strangest of situations.

The Captain sighed. She was still preoccupied with the dilemma we had left behind, and the repercussions of our actions. She pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose, and tried to put the last few days into perspective. Then she told our story, as briefly as she could. She left out all the important bits, I thought, such as most of our complicated inward experiences. It's odd, without them, it sounded just like another story, just another away mission, a run in with the Borg, some telepaths, what, we can handle it! But the Doctor knew she was leaving out a lot, and B'Elanna gave me raised eyebrows every time the Captain glossed over those moments.

By the time she was finished, Kathryn silently cursed herself. It was an awkward moment – our two listeners knew there was more, and didn't dare ask. The Doctor suddenly sprang into action. "Well, what are we waiting for. I think we should get started as soon as possible, before those nanoprobes do any more damage. You said it was only a matter of time."

The Captain seemed distracted. "Yes, yes, you're right." _What's going to happen to us now?_

_We'll just go back to normal, Kathryn, nothing to worry about. _Chakotay put a hand on her shoulder.

_No, I mean..._

"We'll miss you too." I realised Chakotay had whispered that out loud when B'Elanna stared at him. Another awkward moment later, the Doctor asked us to lay down to begin the procedure. We didn't even have time for... I don't know, a proper farewell? Because it certainly seemed like this was the end of something we didn't want to let go just yet.

"I'll need to sedate you all now," was the last thing I remember. We shared one last thought and then darkness enveloped us.

* * *

When I woke up, I felt like nothing had changed. It took me a few minutes to realise that I felt more alone again. They weren't gone yet, I could still hear their thoughts like echoes or memories from long ago. It was all fading. I felt that they were holding on to it as well. But sooner or later, it would have to go.

"How are you feeling?" B'Elanna stood next to me. She looked very tired and exhausted, but so beautiful. I told her that.

"What, flyboy, does this mean you're returning to your usual charming self?"

I sat up groggily. She became serious now. "How is it? Can you still...?"

"A little." I studied my companions, who were both still sleeping. "This is... so weird."

"Tell me about it."

I took her hand. "I wish I could share this with you."

She smiled, but somewhat sadly. "Me too."

"Ah, Mr. Paris, how are you feeling!" The Doctor strode out of his office and immediately checked my readings.

"I've felt better."

He harrumphed and checked my readings. "It all checks out. Now, from what I pieced together, whatever these telepaths created in you is gone now, but the after effects will linger for a day or two. I suggest you give each other some space. Obviously you're all on leave now, so go and take some time to readjust. Lieutenant, maybe you could take him to his quarters?"

It wasn't just a recommendation. He knew it was essential for us to be separated. It wasn't easy. B'Elanna took me home, but I felt strangely out of place. We tried the mess hall and the holodeck, but I found being alone was best. She wished me a good night and left, still confused and unsure how to act around me. I was sure freaking her out.

Well, and here I am, back in sickbay where I shouldn't be, next to the one person I shouldn't be with. I can't help it, and yet, we need to snap out of it. I know the last thing they want to be is back in their command chairs, shouldering the responsibilities, but who else will carry them? I'm so glad I had an opportunity to understand what that feels like every day.

So what are we to do? The Doctor basically told us she just needed time. But no one really knows how much time. In any case, it didn't take long for the whole crew to know where the Captain is right now, and as far as I heard, everyone is pretty worried about her. And there's also a lot of gossiping about the Commander, who spends almost every minute in sickbay with her. Still, she simply won't come back, something is stopping her. I have never seen her so indecisive.

* * *

A deep sigh and a following sob made Tom turn with a start. The Captain was sitting up and leaning back against the wall, listening.


	10. Just More Alive

Chapter 10 – Just more alive

"Er... Computer, end personal log." Tom felt very uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Ca.. Kathryn?"

She wiped her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. But.. you have a very _real_ way of telling this. I mean, I know what..., but still, and... hearing you tell it again..." She sighed and her shoulders sagged. She looked very vulnerable, dressed in her blue sickbay gown, tears running down her cheeks.

Tom had resumed his log when he woke up, hoping he wouldn't wake her. He felt weird knowing she'd heard some of it, although there was nothing in it she didn't know already. He lowered his head and gazed at the floor, not knowing what to say.

"Oh, here it comes." She sighed again.

Tom looked up. "What?"

"The embarrassment. We said that we'd not be embarrassed by what happened."

"It's not that...", he started, but realised that she could still read him very well. "Okay, I know, but it's easier said than done. Before this happened, I didn't really know you that well."

She looked hurt and avoided his gaze. "I don't think anyone did," she whispered.

"So you understand how hard it is to combine the last few days with the state of things on Voyager before." She was still crying, so he softened up a bit. He got up from his bed and went over to her. "Look, it's different with me than what it's like with Chakotay, right? He'll be there for you. And we can take our time to become friends the old-fashioned way. I think I'm not the only one who'd like that, by the way. You and B'Elanna should...", he realised he was beginning to ramble, and saw her frown when he mentioned Chakotay. "What?", he asked.

She was the one looking uncomfortable now. "What am I going to do about him? Just what will I...", she looked up, tears in her eyes more than before. "I can't..." She broke down completely. Tom gathered her in his arms and stroked her back. She really just needed to get this out first, then they could talk.

After a while, she calmed down. "I don't see what the problem is," he said quietly. "You two are good for each other. Not everyone gets so lucky." She looked up, confused, as if she hadn't thought about it that way.

"It doesn't matter how I feel about him, I am the Captain of this ship," she straightened herself up and brushed her sleeve over her rather clogged up nose. "I can't go having an affair with someone under my command."

Tom couldn't help grinning. He walked over to a cabinet and pulled out some tissues. He handed her one, and smiled gently. "Pardon me, Kathryn, but right now, you look about the least like a Captain that I've ever seen you." He tugged a strand of hair behind her ear. "And Chakotay is hardly _an affair_." She didn't seem convinced, so Tom tried again. "Come on – you guys are in love with each other! Believe me, I will not spend the rest of this trip with the two of you on the bridge, moping over your repressed emotions. This is the real thing, Kathryn, there's nothing you can do about it. Besides," he added, "you would break his heart if you went back into your little shell now. And I won't allow you to do that."

She thought about it for a while. Finally, she pulled a crooked smile. "When did you get so wise, Tom?"

He grinned. "You must have rubbed off on me."

She chuckled, but her face quickly clouded over again. "But... it's all so complicated now – and what will the crew think? And what if we disagree? And... what, I mean, how can I send him on dangerous missions, knowing he might not come back?"

Tom grabbed her shoulders now and bent down to look her straight in the eyes. "Kathryn, did you ever think it was easy between B'Elanna and me? Well, if we can work it out, you certainly can. You've dealt with worse. And the crew will think they've been right all along. And they know their Captain well enough to be sure that her ability to command will not be compromised. I think they'll be glad to see you happy – and alive for that matter. Give them some credit! What difference does it make, anyhow?"

She looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you _are_ in love with him, right?"

She nodded ever so slightly, extremely uncomfortable talking about it, even with Tom.

"So if you have to send him on a mission, or disagree, don't you think that will be infinitely harder when you have to disregard your feelings for him at the same time? And at least when you do fight, you can make up properly now, not just go out for lunch." He winked.

Kathryn smiled now. They both turned when the doors of sickbay slid open to admit Chakotay and B'Elanna. The two newcomers immediately took in the situation and looked worried. Tom thought any moment someone was going to excuse themselves for 'intruding', so he let go and went to B'Elanna. "It's all right, we just had a little pep talk, the Captain and I."

Chakotay was immediately at her side. "Are you okay?" He gently stroked her cheek.

"I guess... I am." She put her hand above his on her face and closed her eyes in contentment. B'Elanna grinned and tugged on Tom's sleeve, because he seemed reluctant to leave. He felt like he should be part of this. In that moment, he realised 'the trio' was over.

* * *

Tom awoke the next day from the sound of his communicator.

"Doctor to Ensign Paris."

He rubbed his eyes. "Paris here."

"Please come to sickbay right away."

"..Be right there." Tom got dressed and hurried down. He found the Captain, Chakotay and the Doctor gathered around the still form of Seven. It took him a few seconds to see that Seven was struggling with something, and Kathryn and Chakotay had their eyes wide open and stared into nothingness. Tom was by their side immediately.

"What's wrong? What happened?!"

The Doctor was calm, but very worried. "I don't know. Seven appeared to wake up, but when the Captain went over to her, she collapsed again. The Commander checked on them, and became like this as well."

"Are they... connected?" Tom focussed on his two lifeless friends, hoping he could help them somehow. But the connection was already too weak.

The Doctor dropped his hands in defeat. "I have no way of telling. I think Seven was snapping out of her stupor, may be because of the distance to the planet." He suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"But?"

"But she could also be free of them, because they all killed each other."

Tom didn't really know what to say to that, so he simply accepted it. "But what about them _now_?"

"I'm unsure. My guess is that Seven reconnected to the next best thing. You."

"But I'm here, and I'm all right."

"You're also the only one who can figure out how to get them back. All I can do is register their brain activity. Neural inhibitors didn't have any effect, and I don't dare to sedate them now."

Tom didn't need to hear it twice. He focussed again on both Kathryn and Chakotay, but however much he strained himself, nothing worked.

"Nothing. I can't hear them any more. How come they're still like this, when I'm already better?"

"Well...," the Doctor began, but Tom didn't really want an answer.

"Isn't there anything you can do? We have to talk to them somehow!"

Suddenly, a thought occurred to the Doctor. "Maybe we can." He walked to his console, and Tom followed. "We may not be able to reach the Captain and Commander Chakotay, but we can reach Seven."

"How?"

"She still has her neural interface. Maybe I can direct a message to her, to break her out. With only two other people, it shouldn't be too hard."

Tom assisted the Doctor in his delicate task of reprogramming something through Sevens cheek implant. Tuvok came down, too, after the Doctor had informed him of what we were doing. He stood by as the silent observer. Tom thought that Tuvok could just leave again, but then it occurred to him that he was actually worried about his Captain. Being in command didn't quite suit him. Tom liked him a lot better, all of a sudden.

The Doctor finally looked up from his patient. "Well, I pressed all the appropriate buttons, I hope. Now all she has to do is unplug herself from their mind." He seemed very insecure.

"And what do you think will happen to the Captain and Chakotay?"

"I am not sure."

They turned when Seven gave a small moan. She raised her hand, and her eyes opened slightly.

"Seven, are you okay?" The Doctor was truly concerned. Tom immediately checked on the other two. He was extremely relieved to see Chakotay steadying himself on the biobed. When the Captain slowly pulled out of it as well, he put an arm around her instinctively to keep her from falling over. Tom felt a huge weight lifted from his heart. He grabbed them both by the shoulders affectionately and smiled. "Good to have you back. Again."

Kathryn managed a weak smile. Then, she seemed to become aware of what was going on. Seven was trying to sit up, but the Doctor urged her to stay down and take it slow. Seven was disoriented, but she instantly stood and professed to be 'fine'. She glanced at the Captain and Chakotay. They both nodded, and when the Doctor pressed her to tell them what had happened, she reluctantly explained that it hadn't been a pleasant experience and then wouldn't say another word, much to the Doctor's disappointment.

"Captain, Commander, I hope you are well."

"We are, Seven, thanks." Kathryn gave her a warm smile. "I'm glad this is all over."

"Good. I must return to my duties."

"Seven, you need time to recover. Why don't you stay here," when she gave him a look, he added "or go to the cargo bay to regenerate. I'm sure..."

"Very well, Doctor. I shall regenerate." She nodded curtly and turned to go. The Doc was stunned that he didn't have to persuade her more. Before she reached the doors, he called after her, "Before you do, why don't you check with Naomi Wildman. She was here every day."

Seven was surprised, and visibly touched. "Thank you, I will."

When she was gone, the Doctor stared in exasperation. "She is unbelievable!"

Tom managed a grin. "She'll be fine, Doctor, don't worry."

"I know, but this attitude towards her own health is terrible! The only person on this ship worse than her..." He stopped himself and glanced uncomfortably at the Captain.

Chakotay grinned too now, tightening his arm around Kathryn's shoulders. "I keep telling her, Doctor, but she won't listen." Kathryn visibly blushed now. She wriggled a little in his embrace, but to no avail. "Chakotay...," she began.

Tuvok suddenly made his presence known. "Captain. Commander. We have left the planet with the Borg as soon as you were on board. We are en route for the Alpha Quadrant at warp six, and all ship's systems are functioning normally."

Everyone was a little shocked at this little status report. The Doctor snapped, now. "Pardon me, Commander, but what are you thinking? They just pulled out of a major telepathic-Borg-collective," he gestured around, "and first thing when they wake up, you waltz in here with a status report. Unbelievable, all of you!"

"I assure you, Doctor, I..."

He stopped, when he heard a giggle. Kathryn held her hand before her mouth and laughed. It was such an unusual sight that Tom nearly forgot that he couldn't hear her thoughts any more. When Kathryn noticed that everyone was staring at her, she stopped, grinning. "I'm sorry. But it... it's just good to be back, that's all."

Chakotay let go of her a little and smiled. "Yes, it is. Captain." He let go completely now and straightened his uniform jacket, a little self-consciously. Tom involuntarily straightened up.

"Does this mean I get my ship back, now?" Her smirk completely confused them. They had mentally prepared themselves for the steel-hard captain again, but were surprised. Kathryn was really making an effort to stay relaxed. Tom smiled when he looked into her eyes. He felt that she was finally allowing herself to be the woman he knew existed inside her, even here, now, in sickbay, with all of them around. It took her some courage, but she did it. Chakotay looked so happy about that that he wanted to lift her off her feet and kiss her. Tom grinned.

The Doctor ran his tricorder over the two of them. "Well, it seems you are all fine now. You're still off duty for a couple of days, so why don't you go and relax. And no, Captain. Doctor's orders."

Kathryn only looked mildly disappointed that he wanted them to relax. It looked like she could use the time. Tuvok excused himself, and the Doctor went to his office, to give the 'trio' some room.

"So..." Chakotay began.

"Here we are." Kathryn looked nervous now.

Tom knew they needed to talk, but they needed a break, too. "Actually, I just got up. Why don't you join me for some breakfast in the mess hall?"

She seemed relieved, and Chakotay nodded, too. "That sounds great."

* * *

When they entered the mess hall, all the crew assembled there dropped silent. There was n awkward pause, when everyone stared at them. But after a few seconds, all the crew members started to applaud. The three of them were touched. Several people came over and clapped Chakotay on the back and told them all how glad they were; they all stayed a bit away from the Captain, but told her, too that it was good to have her back. She was overwhelmed and almost shy, which was extremely out of character for her. Some people noticed, and smiled. It was good to see her unguarded for once.

Neelix, as usual unimpressed by ranks, nearly crushed the command team with an exuberant welcome-back-hug. Kathryn thanked him, and then eagerly accepted a cup of coffee from him, and steered towards a table, as the crowd dispersed.

Chakotay and Tom brought some plates with food, both intent to get their Captain to eat something as well. When she saw them she rolled her eyes. "Great, now I have to put up with two of you," she said to Chakotay. But Tom found she actually looked quite happy about that.

During their breakfast, Tom felt suddenly very alone again. It was still strange to be separated from them, but he got the feeling they didn't notice it so much. The Captain seemed to cope a lot better now, she was even holding Chakotay's hand. Some people noticed in passing, and began whispering madly when the doors to the mess hall hadn't quite closed yet. Tom was really glad for them, but he didn't feel completely at ease yet. A second later, it hit him.

The doors to the mess hall opened, and B'Elanna entered. She immediately spotted Tom, who felt like his heart would explode in his chest. He missed her so terribly. But she saw whom he was with and hesitated. Tom smiled and turned to his commanding officers. "If you will excuse me..."

B'Elanna looked surprised when Tom came up to her and steered her out of the mess hall again. She quickly found her voice. "I _was_ going to have breakfast, you know?"

But as soon as they'd taken one corner, Tom took her in his arms. Now she was truly startled. "I missed you so much, B'Elanna."

After a moment, she answered quietly. "I... missed you too, you know?" He let go of her and she smiled. "I would say it's good that you're back to normal, but I guess this isn't exactly your normal behaviour."

He grinned. "So, how about breakfast, my quarters?"

"Deal."

* * *

After two days, the Captain strode onto her bridge once more. Chakotay already awaited her, standing next to his chair. Tom swivelled around at the conn and smiled warmly at her. He hadn't seen much of the command team after their short breakfast, and they didn't really sit down to talk at any point. But he did know that the Captain and Chakotay had spent a lot of time together, and mostly were seen a little more friendly with each other all of a sudden.

Kathryn sat down in her chair. Tom could see that she was much more at ease now. She took Chakotay's hand for a moment, when he sat down. Then she worked herself back into Captain mode. "Report!"

An hour later, Tom entered the ready room to hand in his report. He had finished up his short account of what happened in sickbay when Seven of Nine woke up. When he entered, he saw the Captain and Chakotay on the couch, both wistfully staring out at the stars. First, nothing struck him as odd, until he noticed that she usually sat there alone.

And then he realised, there was nothing more to be said, nothing left to explain; they had entered this strange experience and come out of it. But inside, they had changed. They were just more alive.


	11. Author's Notes

Author's note

Oh. God. I know, what a lame ending! But I simply couldn't figure out a better way to get out of this dead end street. I didn't see a way to conjure up a good J/C moment like before again without Tom being in their minds or changing POV, and that would've been strange. I don't think I can call it a J/C story any longer, I guess it turned into more of a general people drama.

I hope you all bear with me and my laziness, I'm sure I can pick this up and properly edit it later. There are a few things I need to flesh out, I kinda lost my focus along the line.

Anyway, I am truly amazed by the amount of reviews I got, thank you all for your kind words and encouragement, it is really appreciated. You guys made my days!

~Julia


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